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I Cannot Be Jealous Again

Depression comes in a lot of forms, but basically as a feeling of inadequacy, low self esteem and the idea of ‘my own worst pass’. Few minutes ago, I came across an old classmate’s photo online. She’s traveled out of the country and pursuing a post graduate certificate in a course I don’t know of, rather in a course, she didn’t specify. Initially, I was happy for her, awwing and congratulating her in my mind and next thing, I felt a pang in my stomach and heart. It’s like something cut across my heart, it started beating faster and I knew what direction these signs were going to lead on to.

It was going to go to the path of, ‘omg, look, she’s abroad, pursing a higher degree and you, you are still here’. Look, maybe she went there on a scholarship, she’s not even spending her money, but look at you and your brains. Oh, maybe it’s her family or it’s hersef, that is financing it. These and more were about popping up, but I snapped out of and spoke those words on the title to myself.

When it seemed not enough, I started reminding myself of my current position, where I am now, and where I could be tomorrow, only if I could focus on my own grass and make best of use of my opportunity and the available resources I have now. I reminded myself of the current task at hand, the things I need to do, that are not yet done, so if i spend time, wishing, weeping and hoping it’s me there, I would miss out on my present life and opportunity, miss out on the dreamy life, because of course that isn’t me there and while I’m still dreaming and getting angry, I would loose opportunities and things that would make me get there when the opportunity come for me.

So you see, I cannot be jealous, angry or gaze at someone’s grass again! Whenever such ideas come, I do a quick reminder of my haves and haves not, wishes and plans, resources and efforts and I keep moving. It keeps me away from negative vibes and keeps my hopes high, with goals and eyes fixed on the prize.

While at it, I turned on my music player, listened and sang to my favorites tracks, while I did my chores and tasks at hand. Time is too precious and short, to spend living someone else’s reality as your own angry fantasy

I hope you found this helpful and would apply them in dealing with your demons. Everyone has his/her demons. Our ability to handle it is all that matters.

Do you have other means of dealing with yours, kindly share with us.

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